September, 2019
I spent the better part of last week riding a rollercoaster of emotions about my first born starting kindergarten. She’d fight with her siblings and I’d think, “thank god school starts next week”. Then she’d fall asleep in the backseat of the car at 2pm and I’d think, “how is she going to get through a whole school day?”. Then she’d tell me she’s bored and ask when the bus was going to come and I could see the excitement in her eyes…But then we went to orientation and she clung to me so tight in that classroom it took everything in me not to pull her into my arms and rock her fears away.
She caught me on the couch looking at her baby pictures and said, “Mommy, why are there drips on your cheek?”. I smiled through my tears and she just climbed up into my lap, snuggled in, and asked if she could get me another tissue. That’s when I realized that she is ready. She’s so ready. It’s me who isn’t.
Usually, I’m the type of mom that is emotionally optimistic about all of the “firsts”. I always wanted them to roll over, crawl, walk, run…whatever is next, I’ve always been ready. For some reason kindergarten feels different. It feels like I’m losing my helpful side kick; my second little mommy to her siblings. She’s going to be at school every day, for so much of the day. I’m going to miss her so much. So please excuse me while I take just a moment to sob, and then remind myself that my kind, smart, beautiful, kickass 5 year old firstborn baby is so ready for her first day of kindergarten today.
Time is fleeting; only blink to keep your eyes in focus. Hug your babies tight, cause someday soon you’re going to have to watch them get on that big yellow bus and go off into the world.
